Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
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