Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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