you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Someone shattered a urinal.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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