Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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