He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
