he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just gift wrapped bread.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
