I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
