I want to have your abortion
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
