Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
