The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
