New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize