He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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