i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
