i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
