And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
