Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
