just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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