Kiss
Puke
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
