My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My Higher Power is John Stamos
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
