Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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