I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize