No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
