He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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