Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
