nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
