my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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