new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
