I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
