Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
