there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
