I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
