My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize