found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
