I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
