Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
