I am full of burrito and curiosity
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
