i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
