well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
