it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
