Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
