she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I stole a fireplace last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
