Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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