they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
