After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
