erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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