Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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