so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
