READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
