Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
