He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
