Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
