Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
