I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
