what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
