Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
