so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
