You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
