seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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