i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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