there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
