Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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