I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
