You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
