You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
