Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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