ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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