Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
