Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
